Teen Moodiness or Depression: A Guide for Worried Parents

What is typical teen moodiness?

All children and teens are sad, anxious or irritable at times, and in most cases these are ordinary phases of growing up. A hard event, such as losing someone they love, can bring deep sadness, and for a while they may not feel happy even doing things they usually enjoy. It is normal for that grief to lessen over time.

It can be hard to tell what is typical, even for experienced parents, and any single sign can show up in a teen who is not depressed. So instead of looking for one behavior, it helps to look at how long it has lasted, how often it happens, and how much it is getting in the way.

What are the signs of depression in teens?

The American Academy of Pediatrics names two common signs: seeming more sad and irritable than usual, with a low mood most of the day, and no longer enjoying activities that used to make them happy. Irritability matters here, because what might look like attitude or laziness can be a symptom.

Other signs to watch for, especially when several appear together nearly every day:

• Spending more time alone and less time with friends
• Trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping more than usual
• Trouble focusing or making choices, or struggling at school
• A marked change in weight or eating, up or down
• Less energy or motivation, even for simple tasks
• Crying more often, or saying they feel sad, worthless or guilty
• Not caring or feeling hopeful about the future
• Losing interest in grooming or appearance
• Substance use
• Frequent headaches or stomachaches

How can I tell the difference day to day?

No checklist can diagnose your teen, but these comparisons can help you decide whether to take the next step. A key marker from the American Academy of Pediatrics is signs that last more than two weeks.

How do I start the conversation with my teen?

Teens may not know how to describe what they feel, or they may hide it because they do not want to bother anyone. They often do not bring it up, but they may respond honestly if you ask directly.

1. 1Pick a calm momentSay what you have noticed, such as more time alone or less interest in things they like, and that you are concerned because you care.
2. 2Ask, then listen without judgmentLet them finish. Take it seriously even if the problem does not seem like a big deal to you, because it may feel like a major problem to them.
3. 3Ask directly about mood and safetyPlain questions are suggested by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, such as: Are you feeling sad or depressed? Are you thinking about hurting or killing yourself?
4. 4If they will not talk, stay availableLet them know you are concerned and that you are there when they need you. Encourage them to talk to someone else they trust, such as a relative or someone at school.

What if my teen talks about self-harm or suicide?

Asking does not plant the idea. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says these questions, rather than putting thoughts in your child's head, can reassure them that somebody cares and give them a chance to talk. Statements such as "I wish I was dead" or "I won't be a problem for you much longer" should always be taken seriously.

Any young person with suicidal thoughts or plans should be evaluated immediately. Call or text 988 at any time, including when you need guidance as a parent, or call 911 if there is immediate danger. DanShalom Behavioral Clinic is not an emergency service, so please do not wait for a reply from us. Never agree to keep it a secret if your teen tells you about a plan to hurt themselves.

Who should I contact first?

If there is a safety concern, start with 988 or 911, as above. If there is not, a good next step is talking with your child's pediatrician or regular health care provider. Doctors have questionnaires and age-appropriate ways of talking with teens about mood, and they can provide treatment or refer you to a mental health specialist.

It also helps to talk with people who see your teen in other settings, such as a teacher or other parent, and bring what you learn to the appointment. You can also contact a mental health provider directly. Our psychiatric evaluation page explains how a first visit works.

What does care look like for a teen here?

An evaluation of a young person usually includes a parent interview about development, relationships and medical history, information from school and, if needed, an interview with the teen. Treatment options may include psychotherapy, medication, or both, and effective psychotherapy for young people often involves parents. Treatment can take a few weeks to help, so a teen may get discouraged at first.

DanShalom Behavioral Clinic sees patients ages 5 to 65, in person in Sugar Land or by secure video for those physically located in Texas, Idaho, Arizona or Maryland at the time of the visit. A parent or guardian must be present at appointments for patients under 18. You can read more about depression treatment and getting a child ready for a first visit. Ask us what the visit will look like for your family, and about any school paperwork or testing you have in mind.

Medication is one option, never a given. Any decision is made with you after an evaluation, not every medication can be prescribed at every kind of visit, and some may require an in-person appointment. We explain what applies and describe follow-up on our medication management page. Please make sure your teen does not start, stop or change a medication without talking with the prescriber.